


Letting Go

by broccoying



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-20 01:08:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15522735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broccoying/pseuds/broccoying
Summary: Heartbreak is never easy to get over and Sanha recounts the memories they shared.





	Letting Go

Sanha didnt know what to expect when he walked into the messy apartment he shared with her, clothes, her clothes? were thrown all around. Flung onto the sofa was her bra, unclasped, more like ripped into half. His heart skipped a beat. What have you done? His eyes scanned towards the closed bedroom door and he heard the most gruesome sounds he ever had the honor of hearing. Thats not her right? It cant be her. Shes not like this. He tried to convince himself, it cant be. She wouldnt do such a thing. Somehow when he forced open the bedroom door to see her under some random male he has never seen before, he never felt so unbelievably,,,,broken.

She was the light in his life, the star in his universe, the fire that kept him warm in the cold night. She made him feel so,,,, alive? He couldnt place words to how she made him feel. Loved? Safe? Treasured? He didnt know. As long as she was there by his side, he knew he wouldnt care. Sanha told her everything about himself, his deepest darkest fears, secrets and worries he would never dare tell another. She was always there for him throughout it all, those warm comforting hands that stroked through his hair and dowm his spine, calming him down, slowly putting a stop to all his nightmares, his fits in the middle of the night and his tears. He loved everything about her. Her beautiful laugh and her eyes that crinkled when she smiled, her adorable personality. Sanha would say he was absolutely smitten, in love, with her. All of her. She was his lifeline, he held on, but she let go.

He tore his eyes away from the scene. And he ran. Away from what he just saw. Away from that damned apartment. Away from her. Sanha didnt know where he was going, his mind was blank, blank, blank. All he knew was that there was no one left in this world he could turn to anymore. He was alone again, just like before. Before he found her.

Sanha was reminded of his childhood. He grew up in a family with 3 brothers, him being the youngest. He wasnt deprived of love, nor attention. It was just,,, lonely. Lonely, being the youngest, having no one who truly understands. It was bleak and colorless. Until she showed up, with all the colors of the rainbow that turned his life around.

He remembered the day he plucked up all of his 18 years of courage to confess to her. It was a chilly autumn morning, the ground peppered with red leaves and a scent of flowers in the air. He ran this over countless times in front of the mirror before he actually had the nerves to do it. Never in his wildest dreams would he think that she, the kindest smartest prettiest girl he ever set his eyes upon would return what he felt for her. He felt as if it wasnt real. Honestly, it still doesnt. The moment when he put his hand in hers, the corners of his lips couldnt help but turn upwards into the widest and brightest smile he never thought would appear on his face again. From the moment he held her hand, he knew it. They were meant for each other.

He didnt know where he was going, he didnt know where he was. He didnt know where he should be. Sanha ended up in a park not far away from the apartment. The park the both of them spent their evening nights strolling through. The memories that were created here came flashing back, too much, too fast. Sanha could barely breathe. Why does everything remind me of her? Why? He collapsed onto a nearby bench to catch his breath. 

On their first anniversary, the both of them graduated from their high school. Sanha worked really hard to save up enough money to rent that little apartment for them. When he first saw the apartment, he had a feeling it was the one. It wasnt big but it was just enough for the two of them. A tiny kitchen, she only cooks on weekends, a spacious living room, for the both of them to laze and their shared room. The night of their anniversary, he took her to the nearby park and he gave her the keys of the apartment as a gift. She was confused at first, did Sanha mention how adorable she looks when shes confused? Her brows scrunch up and she has a thinking expression on her face. He held back a smile. "Its the keys to a apartment around the area. Its our apartment." Her eyes lit up with understanding. "Ahhhh its our anniversary gift right? Do I have to find it?" Sanha did not expect that. If she wanted to, she could right? So they spent the next hour or so, finding the apartment together. Sanha admit she could have found it faster if not for him chasing her around the park. When the sun set and the sky turned brilliant shades of pink, purple and red, Sanha decided to tell her where it was. They sat on a bench to catch their breaths and Sanha pointed the apartment out to her. "Look there, the third floor, the one on the far right. Its ours." Her eyes traced his finger pointing to the apartment and she turned to look at him.   
"You rented it?"   
"Yeap, i gave the landlady the monthly rental today."   
"So, we can sleep over tonight?"  
"I guess you can. You dont have a change of clothes though."   
"Its alright, lets go!"  
She practically dragged him over to the building, their laughter reverberating around the area. She suddenly stopped.   
"Sanha, you know i love you right? Thank you for this, it means alot."   
She loved him thats all that mattered. He felt a pair of arms wrapping around his waist and nestling her head into his chest.  
"I love you, Sanha." 

Sanha was not one to voice out his feelings but he admits, it fucking hurts. After all, she was the only one he would hang the stars in the sky for. He couldn't imagine his life without her. He wouldn't be able to forget her anyway, she had left her presence all over in his life. His phone vibrated with a text message notification that brought him out of his thoughts.

I'm sorry Sanha, let's break up. Thank you for all the wonderful memories you gave me, I hope you find someone better.

He let out an amused chuckle. After all this while, thats all she had to say? Thanks for the memories? How long has that been even going on now? He wanted to tear his hair up in frustration, he wanted to scream. But all he could do was a bitter smile. I guess thats how it ends, Sanha thought.

He drove away from that place, from all memories he wanted to avoid. And Sanha ended up at a cliffside. He switched off the engine and winded down the windows. The cool sea breeze brushed lovingly against his skin and he decided to step out. Sanha came to the edge of the cliff, staring at the vast sea beyond him illuminated by the moonlight.   
"Its been some time right?" 

Before he met her, Sanha loved to come to the cliffside. Sometimes for no reason at all, sometimes it was to take his mind off things. The sound of waves breaking on the rocks below the cliff always made him much more relaxed. After they started dating, Sanha stopped coming. Because someone else was able to reprocate that calming feeling the cliffside was able to provide.

Sanha was just about to sit down when someone grabbed his arm, forcing him back from the edge.  
"What do you think you're doing?"  
A shrill voice ran out, disturbing the calm of the night. Sanha sighed, ready to explain that no he was not going to jump. But the girl gave him no chance.  
"Really? Are you serious? Ending your life like this, how pathetic you must be. Consider yourself lucky I saved your ass"  
At this point, Sanha was really going to jump if she didnt stop jumping to conclusions.   
"Look woman, I was out for some fresh air alright? I was just about to sit down for some calm and peace finally and you showed up." He proved his point by sitting down by the edge and glaring daggers at her. She let out a frustrated sigh.  
"Still, doing something so dangerous, you must be out of your mind."  
"The only one on my mind is her."   
Sanha didnt realise he said it out loud.   
"Care to share?"  
Her tone turned sympathetic, and sympathy is the last thing he needs. At the same time, its all he wants.

Sanha told her everything, from how they met to how he found her cheating. He wasnt one to spill but somehow being at the cliffside agaim set his mouth loose. He had to admit, although she left a horrible first impression on him, she was good listener.  
"She's not worth your time anymore, forget her man. You can always start anew. Hey, its not like you're 40 or something, I could hook you up with my friends if you wanted to."  
He knew he should, but Sanha had been so attached to her, he couldn't imagine a life without her. They practically grew up together, from teenagers to adults. He kept silent.  
"Hey, its okay. You can always find someone else, its not the end of the world. You're handsome too thats a bonus, girls love that face."   
He snickered.  
"Thanks for the compliment."   
A comfortable silence followed after that, with the rhythmic pounding of waves against the coast. 

"You know, I really loved her. She was my first, she taught me how to love, and she gave me the love i was looking for all those while."   
Sanha choked up.  
"I don't know, how to live anymore, without that love i was so dependent on."  
The tears he thought would never come again streaked down his cheeks. He felt an awkward pat on the back.  
"Its okay let it all out. She's a bitch, I know."  
The tears never really stopped. But Sanha felt better, even with the support of a stranger.

She didn't ask anymore questions or probe him about the topic. Slowly, Sanha could see the first rays of dawn in the distance. He checked his phone. Oh shit. It was almost 6am. The girl peeked over his shoulder and groaned.  
"You owe me big time for my lack of sleep, how am I going to function in the day? Shit, if Kangbin finds out I disappeared in the middle of the night again..."  
She turned to him.  
"Hey stranger, it was nice knowing and all, I hope you found a way out of your sob story. I really gotta go, my roommate will seriously lock me up if she finds out I came here again. So, bye!!!"  
Sanha didn't even have a chance to ask her name or where she stayed so he could drop her off. He watched her run off towards a bicycle parked nearby and before he had a chance to thank her, she was already pedalling off at breakneck speed.   
Thanks. He said to no one in particular. As Sanha watched her figure disappearing from view, he slowly let out a smile. Things would get better, he convinced himself. But he really wanted to meet her again to properly thank her.

3 months later  
Sanha stood outside the door and dug around in his pockets for the keys to his apartment. Damn it, where was it?   
"Excuse me, are these yours?"   
Sanha heard the familar jingling of his keys and he turned around. But he didnt expect to see who it was.  
"You!"   
It was that girl from the cliffside a few months back. She seemed like she recognised him too.  
"Hey you! How has it been? You okay now?"  
"Yeah, It has been better thanks to you. I never got to thank you that day after you just ran off you know. Its really been bugging me."  
"Oh really? You still owe me big time for my lack of sleep though."  
Sanha rolled his eyes.   
"I'm Sanha, I never got to properly introduce myself."   
He stretched out a hand.   
"Nice to meet you too, handsome but I gotta go and unpack and stuff. Looks like we're neighbours, how fun."  
She slapped his hand and threw him his keys.  
"Thats one more thing you owe me. Catch you later neighbour."   
Her door slammed in his face. Sanha stared in disbelief. He didn't even get her name. He opened the door to his apartment. He snickered, oh this is going to be interesting.

-end-

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!!!   
> :D


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